Race Class and Gender

What then is personal identity? It is the persistence of certain defining characteristics in a very complex orderly society endowed with a preeminent linear society or "soul" -Professor Hartshorne

There are times in life when the question of knowing if one can think differently than one thinks, and perceive differently than one sees, is absolutely necessary if one is to go on looking and reflecting at all.
Michel Foucault

This has been a very powerful class for me. I never thought that an online format could produce so much thinking and internalizing in myself. I believe it was the first podcast from Dr. Jackson that said we should try to be as open as possible during our readings and posts. I haven’t that of that, until just now, after reading this quote. My ways of thinking has taken a dramatic shift. I am very surprised. I tend to be a very stubborn and outspoken person. However, I believe my thinking has shifted because it needed to. I deeply care for my students. They really are part of my family and I always want the best for them. The readings in this course have led me to the realization that I must respect my students on a deeper level than what I had been doing. And until I can do that, I will hinder them in reaching their true potential.

After reading the Dowdy article, I realized the power of being able to code switch. I laughed at and blamed professionals who use improper English. Several months later, I also saw the power in teachers using students’ language. I tried it recently on the playground. Other teachers were standing near me, and the words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them, “Go on witch your badself girl. You show dem boys how it’s done!” I used the hand and eye roll thing too. I knew if I thought about it for too long, I wouldn’t actually do it. I was afraid of the “look” from the other teachers. I think I was also afraid of how goofy I would sound. But I reached a little girl who is usually very timid and shy around me. She thought it was the funniest thing. She came out of her shell that day. She has been more confident and more willing to answer my questions. And I wonder if she saw how vulnerable I was, and saw that lightning didn’t strike me. Or maybe she even saw my happiness. Whatever it was, it helped. So, thanks to this course, I have discovered that code switching can go both ways.

With most of the readings in this course, I think of the novel Beloved, by Toni Morrison. That novel showed me just how important identity is to each and every one of us. When I think back to the Situated Histories chapter, I remember that each child comes to my room with their own identity. They have come from nothing. Even if it seems like nothing to the person next door, it is SOMETHING. I have to try my best to help them build and add onto that identity and make it much stronger. Today, I was speaking with a teacher who has a student that is starting to become a behavior problem. This particular student has a very difficult home life. There is a lot of violence, neglect and drugs. She pulled him aside today and asked him why he was acting the way he was. After a really long talk, he finally said, “It’s just what happens. When you get old you get bad.” And it troubled me to think that he already had chosen his path in life. This teacher and I both vowed to show him all HIS possibilities that he has in life. But we are walking a fine line. We do not want him to think we are changing who he is. We want to show him what he can be, and what he can accomplish.

Since I have read the chapter Fiction of Girlhood, I have had to really analyze my teaching. If any moment of the day has been wasted or I have thought, “Well let me just sit her and relax for a minute”, I think of the little girl, Laurie. She needed every ounce of her teachers’ energy. She needed the instruction specific to her. And even though I KNOW this is what all students need, I still have lazy moments. But since I have read this chapter, my lazy moments happen less frequently and are much shorter!

For each article and each chapter that I have read in this course, I always think of my students. This is partly because this is a professional setting, but it is also because this is my life. I really never think of teaching as a career, but as a huge facet of my life. But I have also come to realization that I have applied these readings to my personal life as well. I’m not nearly as judgmental of my friends as I once was (and I say this like to has been years- but it has only been a few months). This was a huge problem that I was having. In fact, one of the roommates actually moved out because of it. She thought that I resented her and liked her less because she never finished college. And I will be honest; I had a BIG problem with it. I knew she could do better. That was my rationale. She could do better. And I kept saying it. But I don’t think I ever really asked her what she wanted out of life. I regret that. I regret that I didn’t take this class earlier. I wish I could have had a more open heart before she choose to move out. I was forcing an identity on her, that wasn’t hers. And now that I see that, I see her for who she is. I really do SEE. Life is too short to place judgment on others. It is too short to put people in “groups”. We really do need to see everyone for who they ARE.
Sarah Feinman